Chance the Wild: “Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

In February, many people were thinking about dinner reservations, flower deliveries, and hey, let's not forget the 50% off chocolate that follows it all. Yes, I am referring to that wonderful commercialized holiday of St. Valentine. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Valentine's Day. I mean what other holiday do you grow up eating chocolate for breakfast? Of course, I support that. Add President's Day, make it a three day weekend, and you've got my vote.

That weekend also marked my Aunt Nina Lou's 90th birthday. 90 years...she's lived through the Great Depression, a World War, the Cold War, the 60s, and a whole lot of neon. Nina McCaig was one of the first women to wear pants, and later probably one of the first to feed the cows decked out in complete Sunday's best attire - pantyhose, makeup, jewelry and all. She may not be infamous to the world, but she's infamous to our family.

Valentine's also marked a moment in time when I began to realize I lost control of my ambitions. I stood at the top of a ski run in Wolf Creek, literally shaking in fear. Now before you go into a "people use literally wrong all the time" rant (see: The Oatmeal), I was literally shaking, and quite honestly, almost crying. It was my first day off the bunny slopes, and that run might as well have been a quadruple black diamond in my mind. Yes, that is an exaggeration, but you get my point. I did eventually go down the run. Not fast, and not smooth, but I did it. Whew! What an accomplishment, right? Well, apparently it wasn't.

After getting back to the condo that day, my boyfriend of the time spent over an hour telling me how disappointed he was with my skiing. He just went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about what it was like when he learned to ski. He skied on one ski early his first season. He did black diamonds his first season. He took risks. He pushed himself. He wasn't afraid of injury. He tried to better every day. If I'm not willing to get hurt, I'm not willing to get better. Wait! What? Hold the phone. Shut the front door. Get out! Is he telling me I suck because I'm not 100% like him? Well yeah, he was, and it wasn't the first time he had done this. Unfortunately for me, I never processed the importance of this conversation until the Spring.

After the breakup, I was so afraid that no-one in the climbing group would ever accept me - that I would always be an outsider. It took about three months before I got up enough nerve to go back to a happy hour, and plan a trip with members online. That June trip was a game changer for me in the mountains. I pushed myself. I persevered. I met new people, and I realized everything my ex said about the 14ers climbers never accepting me was wrong. Most importantly, I learned the value in setting my own goals/expectations, and moving forward.