“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." ~ From an Irish headstone

It's not uncommon in my life to hear a mother figure say to me, "Don't you think you're burning your candle at both ends?" or "Why can't you just stay at home for a weekend like normal people?" Short story, I stay busy. It's not unusual to be out of the house five plus nights a week, and when it comes to weekends, I'm rarely anywhere to be found in the city. It's always been a policy of mine to own a car I can sleep in if needed. Just a couple of weeks ago, I slept in my jeep before an early rise to Bierstadt. In spite of it all, there is one thing that will bring me to an immediate stop - my family.

In February, when my mom called to confirm they were going to induce Mary, I packed my bags. I crammed in one more day at the gym and one more day in the mountains before I hopped in the car to Texas Children's in Houston. In some ways, my family had been preparing for this moment since November, but honestly, there really is no way to prepare for this moment. My cousins, Connor and Mary, were pregnant with Emmalynn Nicole. Emmalynn had a genetic defect on her 18th chromosome called, Trisomy 18/Edward's Syndrome.

Fifty percent of Trisomy babies are born stillborn - Ten percent survive to their first birthdays. Connor and Mary had family alongside them throughout this process. Every appointment towards the end had a room of people waiting for updates. I drove straight from Denver to Houston. By the time I arrived for the delivery day at Texas Children's in Houston, I could barely process a clear thought. 

Here's a conversation from the valet stop:

Mary's Aunt: [seeing my CO plate] You must be here for Mary Beth

Me: No. I'm here for a Mary, not a Mary Beth

Mary's Aunt: [looking puzzled]

Me: Oh wait! You're Mary Beth is probably the Mary to my Connor and Mary

I counted the number of people in the hospital waiting room that night. It was 28 that stayed overnight - this number didn't include the people who stayed for several hours during the day. The room was filled with empty pizza boxes, bottles of wine, bags of snacks, and the most worthless sized tissues I've ever seen at a hospital. They amount to maybe half the size of a regular tissue. I'm sorry, but this is a Children's Hospital. If I'm going to need a tissue, you better be giving my the full size, or extra large if that exists.

In the morning, just before 7am, the doctor came out to tell us Emmalynn didn't survive. The next few hours, the next few days, the next few weeks were dedicated to supporting Connor and Mary - helping them grieve, grieving ourselves, and preparing for our lives going forward. Emmalynn wasn't given the opportunity in this life to live, love, and laugh, but those of us who remain were given the opportunity to carry her with us always.

In the Fall, I knew this Spring would open the faucet on a stream of mountaineering goals. I have plans - big plans for the mountains. I can't reach those goals without a considerable amount of practice and strength building. My first Spring goal was to complete a two day mountaineering course with the Colorado Mountain School (CMS). This past weekend, I finished that goal.

I dedicate this adventure to Emmalynn Nicole DeAngelo.

Day 1 Spring Mountaineering: Turns out, I was the only student - I really lucked out with one on one instruction all weekend...not to mention my instructor was awesome. We spent the day at Emerald Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park. This is a leisurely hour past the Bear Lake parking lot. The first day consisted of an in depth refresher on snow travel, including ice axes, travel w/ and w/o crampons, snow anchors, and self arresting. In addition, I learned a couple of new knots, and how to build/set rock anchors.

Equalizing an anchor. Notice all three points pull at the same force.

While spending the day at Emerald we noted the snow conditions, including the changes throughout the day. This would be important for our route planning after getting back to the CMS office. Opting not to do the commonly traveled Dragon's Tail Couloir, there was little data on the planned route. We scouted our route for the next day by taking pictures from different angles and noting the challenges we might face in the hidden areas. We decided to each bring one ice tool, in addition to our ice axe.

Geared up for snow travel and self arrest practice, only I should have zipped my pocket.

Self Arrest Practice: Often times snow travelers spend a considerable amount of time focused on self arresting. I want to point out that self arresting is considerably important to snow travel, but just as much time, if not more, should be spent on the actual footwork and proper ice axe use during travel. The idea is to avoid/reduce the chance of getting into a self arrest situation. But, if you are in a self arrest situation, here is a simple, non-technical, step-by-step example (Note: you should not wear crampons the first time you practice self arresting - it can be very dangerous, and not worth the injury. This was not my first practice)

[Disclaimer: If you are looking for real instruction on self arresting, please don't rely on the below. It is very basic, with little about specifics]

 Step 1: Get into a slide -- Step 2: Use the shaft of your ice axe to anchor and turn your body

Step 3: Allow the force of the axe shaft to turn your body -- Step 4: Sink your axe end and knees to anchor into the snow. Try not to let the axe get away from your torso, to reduce the risk of shoulder injury (do not use your toes, especially in crampons).

Step 5: After coming to a stop. Re-position a secure stance in the snow, and praise god.

Day 2 Spring Mountaineering - Ascend the Dragon Slayer (Currently un-named, so we named it): Using NOAA weather data, our knowledge of snow conditions, and the muenter trip equation we planned for an 11am top out on the couloir. This meant a 6:15am departure from the CMS office. We stayed ahead of schedule by about 5-15 minutes most of the day, until one unplanned 3rd belay pitch. Our last push on the Dragon Slayer entailed a rather steep section, with 2-3 small rock moves, and one short traverse all on rope belay. A belay involves an anchored belay person, while another takes the lead. The first belayer is responsible for breaking down anchors, and collecting gear on their climb. 

The lead may opt to climb the entire length before setting another anchor to belay up the other partner, or the may set multiple anchors during the pitch to protect both individuals from the impact of a fall (this is the most common approach - it's safer). For our ascent yesterday we used one full pitch on the 40 meter rope, two multi-anchored pitches, and one final rock anchored traverse. Most other travel was done as a roped team of two, myself and Jake, the instructor. 

Once we reached the top of the apron, we roped up and stayed one body length apart - moving step-by-step together up the first part of the Dragon Slayer. Initially, this can be pretty difficult to get the entire team in sync with steps, especially on a 50 degree slope with kick-steps heading towards a bout of screaming barfies. Lucky for me, my instructor was awesome, and I managed not to lose my *&$% on any of the tough slope angles. By the end of our roped time together, we were pushing along in rhythm. 

Beautiful blue bird day to start - exactly as the weather predicted.

This was more or less our route. The bottom left portion is called the apron for the Dragon Tail Couloir (to the left).

Shadows in the moat from our first break and rope up was at the rock outcropping from above where the route turns right.

Second break point. Looking down back towards the apron. Our initial resting point lasted less then 45 seconds when a piece of ice fell between the two of us, prompting us to immediately get a move on to a safer location.

Climbing through a small ice section with Jake belaying from the top. Good thing we brought ice tools.

I am currently set at the anchor, getting ready to pull gear for lead belaying Jake. Notice the weather starting to change, which was not noted in the forecast.

Another pitch to break down Jake's anchors, and take a break before going back to roped travel. I opted a low dagger hold on with both the ice axe and ice tool for faster climbing. Yep, it was snowing - always prepare for changing weather.

Jake setting an anchor for the last pitch. Check out all that gear!

A look back at how far we've ascended from Emerald Lake.

Cleaning anchors, and heading up.

After a short traverse, we officially topped out on the Dragon Slayer around 11:45am. The sun finally returned.

Views from the top - looking out over Rocky Mountain National Park. With the sun, came strong winds. We spent some time ascending up to the notch above the Dragon's tooth and tail, but it was too cold for photos - then, a long trip down the Flattop Mountain trail, which I was too tired for photos.

Note: A common mistake people make on low angle slopes, especially when tired, is not continuing to exaggerate their steps while wearing crampons. This generally leads to a face plant in the snow. In an effort to find a concept entertaining enough to keep my attention into the flats, I pretended to be John Wayne for next half mile or so.